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June 2010/Sivan 5770
A JOURNAL OF JEWISH RESPONSIBILITY
Jewish Weddings
Danya Ruttenberg
A Few Words on
Kiddushin. . . . . . . . . . . 1
Vanessa L. Ochs
The Object of His
Acquisition. . . . . . . . . . 2
Discussion Guide. . . . . . 3
Karen Miller Jackson
Reshut Hakallah:
The Symbolism of the
Chuppah. . . . . . . . . . . . 4
Jane Kanarek
Remaking Ritual . . . . . . 5
Jordan Bendat-Appell,
Steven Exler, Nicole
Guzik, Emily Mathis,
Jonah Steinberg,
The Wedding Officiant:
A Roundtable . . . . . . . . 6
Haviva Ner-David
A Journey Toward
Marriage ............ 9
Naamah Kelman
Civil Marriages
in Israel. . . . . . . . . . . . 10
Melanie Malka Landau
Sanctifying Endings . . . 11
Steven Greenberg
Restoring the Moon:
The Ritual of Kiddush
Levanah ........... 13
Ayelet S. Cohen
Birkat Eirusin: A Blessing
for Holy Sexuality . . . . 14
Aaron Levy
NiSh’ma . . . . . . . . . . . 15
Leonard Gordon
Book Review. . . . . . . . 16
Jonathan Schorsch
Involuntary Transit
Through Evolving
Consciousness. . . . . . . 17
Tali Biale
Sh’maEthics . . . . . . . 20
Kiddushin — the betrothal part of a wedding ceremony — is all about acquisition. Over the years, when faced with decisions about wedding ceremonies, some people confront the inequities of the betrothal head on and devise new rituals. Others keep
the traditional texts in Hebrew and Aramaic and provide creative transformations in English.
Still others feel comfortable enough with the text as it is, or they choose not to focus on the
gender disparity or the question of acquisition. The commotion around kiddushin — new
textual language and experimentation with ritual — is an example of Judaism as a work in
progress. June is the month of weddings, and this issue of Sh’ma is our offering to the mix
on getting married. We take an old legal formulation, a social norm, and air it out according
to new sensibilities. In essays that explore texts and in reflections that showcase some
interesting new rituals happening under the chuppah, we wish all who are marrying this
summer, mazal tov. —S.B.
A Few Words on Kiddushin
DANYA RUTTENBERG
The traditional wedding ceremony has two parts: kiddushin (betrothal) and nisu’in (the finalizationofthemarriage).
Though nisu’in and its seven special blessings
that are recited under the wedding canopy
merit much discussion, this essay and issue of
Sh’ma will focus on kiddushin.
Within the kiddushin part of the ceremony,
the groom hands the bride a ring and indicates
explicitly that he is doing so with the intent to
betroth her and thus performs an
act of acquisition, of kinyan. The
Mishnah (Kiddushin 1:1) explains,
“A woman is acquired [in mar-
riage] in three ways…She is ac-
quired by money, by writ, or by intercourse. ‘By
money,’ the House of Shammai maintains, ‘a
dinar or the value of a dinar.’ The House of
Hillel rules, ‘a p’ruta or the worth of a p’ruta.’”
This idea is developed in the Gemarah (talmu-
dic discussion) on this mishnah, when it asks,
for it is written, “the field which
Abraham acquired” (Genesis 49:30). Or,
alternatively, “They will acquire fields
with money” (Jeremiah 32:44).
Therefore, it is taught, “A woman is ac-
quired”… The mishnaic voice initially
uses the language of the Torah [that is
to say, of acquisition] and at the end
uses the language of the rabbinic tradi-
tion [that is to say, of kiddushin]. And
Few would agree that the husband’s acquisition
of a wife is in accordance with our contemporary
understanding of what marriage is or should be.
what does the language of the rabbinic
tradition connote? That he [the groom]
makes her forbidden to all [men]
[miKuDeSHet] like something that is
heKDeSH. (Kiddushin 2a-2b)
Reflections by Rachel
Florman, Amitai Adler &
Julie Pelc Adler, Ben
Dreyfus & Elizabeth
Richman, Benj Kamm &
Emma Kippley-Ogman
How do we know that money effects
betrothal? By deriving the meaning of
“taking” from the field of Ephron. Here
it is written, “A man takes a wife”
(Deuteronomy 22: 13) and there it is
written, “I give you money for the field;
take it from me” (Genesis 23: 13).
Moreover, “taking” is called acquisition,
The text tells us that a woman is acquired
in the betrothal ceremony, which is now per-
formed as part of a wedding, in very much the
same way that one might acquire a field —
using the same means: money. This text also
makes explicit the meaning of kiddushin.
Contrary to popular sentiment that kiddushin
derives from kadosh, to sanctify and render
holy, [l’KDSH], the betrothal ritual is a way of
